The end of something is hard and it will always be hard.
It is strange how I have felt over my life about change and things ending.
I have always hated change because I always love the same routine and I find it always hard to fall out of routines.
Yet I love change in other ways and even though I don’t like being pushed out of my comfort zone I try to welcome change; or try to convince myself that change is the best thing for me even though I don’t want change to happen.
The end of a this year wont signal much change for me yet next year I will be leaving home and going off to university or whatever I decide to do.
But next year I will have so much change on my hands I won’t know how to cope.
And once again my mind is split into two ways: there’s the side that welcomes change and will scream ‘So long you losers’ as I leave secondary school forever. Yet there is the other side of me that will cry my eyes out when I leave.
Change and things ending will always lead to something new. I know that and will forever know that no matter how much the routine part of my brain wants to deny it.
Before I left school I had to take down my art space that was full of my work from this year. An entire years worth of work down in ten minutes leaving three blank walls.
I realised when I stepped away from the blank walls that this was it everything had I had done in a year and it was gone from the wall and it was left blank. But then I remembered that something will take its place in a few months time and I accepted that the blank wall will not last forever and something will fill it.
Change will happen and no matter how daunting the rest of my life is I know that change is the best thing for us; no matter how big or small that change is.
I want nothing to change at the moment; I’m very happy in my own little bubble. But we need change to grow and become better and more rounded people and without change the world would be very boring and not half as fulfilling if we decide to do something that may scare us.
Change terrifies me but I have always said if I do something that terrifies me then no matter what happens I will look back at that choice and think it was the best thing for me to do.
Because I took that step and went and did something scary instead of keeping in my comfort zone.
So the next few years terrify me but I will take that big step and no matter how things turn out I will be glad that I took that step.